#00031: Addicted to addictions

Day 28 of 120
Tuesday September 8 2015

My 120days program began on August 8 2015.
My own 90days journey will start next Saturday.

It’s not about the weight loss anymore.
It was never about the weight loss.

I’m currently out of words.
Sobriety is a blessing – albeit a scary blessing.
A quick glimpse into my life might not show anything significant, but there is always an addiction.
There is always some sort of habit(s) that is in control of my life.
Be it drugs or alcohol or food or gambling or habits, I’ve always done something extensively over a period of time to the point where my entire life begins to revolve around it.

I wondered why I always returned to drugs after a period of sobriety.
The answer is very simple: I was never sober.
During those so-called periods of sobriety, I found new habits to control my life.
I was fit because I was addicted to going to the gym everyday at the exact same time following the same program.
I was fit because I ate the same meals everyday for months.
I was disciplined because I was too scared of change.

I’m currently sober and intend to stay this way for as long as possible.
I’m flying to London in 24 hours.
London scares me.
London broke me down to my worst a few years ago.
But London is where I still remember my best true self.

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