#00042: Switch

**Written on August 25 2012. Unmodified.

Everything is amazing. Nothing is worth the trouble. The world is a fantastic place.


Now everything is awful. All of a sudden, all the small things you didn’t care about seem to be the worst problem you could ever have. Memories start to kick in.


You’re back in 2002. It’s a summer’s weekend and all you could see is that argument you had with her. Blink. Now you’re in 2008 and you’ve just missed the train to nowhere. Turn to your left and you see yourself last year, sitting on the same chair, writing the same nonsense.


They ask what’s wrong and you don’t know what to say because you don’t know what’s happening or why it happened. They don’t understand. They can’t see inside your head and hear what goes on. So, you lie. You have a headache, you say. You need to do something for someone somewhere and you’re thinking about it. Just another fucking lie; your life is nothing but a lie.


You regret things you haven’t done, stuff that you already did. What if this and what if that. There is no book to answer you, no one to tell you what’s going on inside and how can you fix it. Stop thinking. Smile. Be happy. Really, Einstein? Why haven’t I thought of that?!



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