#00049: Chronic Bureaucratitis

To Whom It May Concern,

I hope this message finds you well. My name is Some Country and I’ve been living with Chronic Bureaucratitis for the past 45 years or so.

After my mother was naively and willingly impregnated by one of the many sperms she allowed to be deposited inside of her, I was born with a major genetic defect that caused my cranial cavity to be filled with only a few cells. The gene responsible for this condition is BS101.

This condition has crippled me for life. I cannot think or come up with solutions without wasting resources. I’m only reactive to life’s circumstances, which are mostly the repercussions of my lack of action.

I’ve tried to find solutions to my problem many times before, but the main problem is my lack of ability to notice the problem in the first place.

In fact, I’m not sure why I’m writing this letter .. who said anything about a problem? If you claim I did, then it’s your mistake for misinterpreting the meaning behind my letter.

If you have an issue with the way I am, I suggest you write a letter outlining your concerns. It needs to be written on an A4 paper, but must not be bigger than an A5 page. Keep your words to a minimum of 300 words, but no more than 250 words. Include in your letter the following 5 headings:
1) Your name
2) The other names your parents might’ve wanted to use (no more than 6 are accepted. Proof of thought is mandatory. If you don’t have access to the Proof of Thought document, then please contact the appropriate department in the appropriate ministry between 9am and 9:05am. Opening hours are between Monday & Tuesday only when Monday is the 2nd of February in a leap year)
3) 15 different stamps which can be obtained by the aforementioned department in Heading 2. (Please note than only 1 stamp is available per 1000 applicants. Failure in obtaining all 15 stamps is punishable by law.)
4) A heading of your choice that must follow the guidelines we never published (and never will). It’s your responsibility to find out what exactly we need under this heading.
5) Your first grade certificate which is signed by the all the teachers that taught in that school for more than 5 years.

Take it or leave it.

Categories: Scribbles of Thoughts

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