#00067: Mood

There’s no point in doing anything.
The world is a mess.
People are stupid.

All my energy evaporates without any warnings.
I wake up and my head is filled with too many voices. Loud voices.
A billion thought are in conflict with each other at the same time.

I simply don’t want to think anymore. I hate myself for being myself.
I want drugs, and I want them now. I want to alter my feelings about this stupid world.
I want to laugh and talk without having to struggle with myself.

Quitting is fucking hard. I’ve been using drugs on a daily basis for the past 14 years.
14 fucking years. More than 5000 days!
And I expect to just quit cold-turkey?

It’s hard, folks. Giving up something I love for something unknown.
I don’t know how to handle life without nicotine or alcohol or pills or needles.
I don’t know how to handle the voices in my head.

I guess this is my journey … and the story begins with the struggle of mood vs. cravings ..
Journey to where? I have no clue .. I also don’t know why I decided to quit drugs .. I was probably high when I said that.

Baby steps, right?

Slow and steady, the turtle won the rabbit race.

 

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