#00089: Day 10

Sunday – May 29 2016

(09:10 – work)
Vivid dreams. I was playing tennis with someone. It was sunny, humid and very hot. I was running around .. jumping .. forehand, and then a smash .. I was enjoying myself, but I was sweating like hell ..
I woke up exhausted and soaked in sweat. I was (still am) dehydrated. It took me a few minutes to realize I was an hour late for work.
Meh.
My work consists of sitting down for at least 6 hours, unless I decided to walk around ..
This is making sense to my current train-wreck of thoughts ..

The dream was very vivid. I remember the place and the someone I was playing with. I woke up drenched in sweat. I got dressed and drove to work. I was not in the mood of saying hi to my colleagues or discussing how my break went because lkajshdf89p23yfuiasjhkcfdsklfh9843yfhiusdkj ..

(12:13 – work)
Yes, sure. Positive. Without a goal .. Same old crap .. No, maybe I can change. My past isn’t all negative, you know. I’m not a very bad person entirely.
I’m scared of dying, sir. Did I ever tell you that? Death is my second worst fear.

Positivity is gone. It took less than 11 minutes for my mood to fall back down again. My mood is Sisyphucked.

One thing at a time, maybe? Baby steps, right? I’m not entirely useless, yes?

(16:21 – Melia hotel)
Pain has drastically subsided. Fever is almost gone. Cravings are down to a minimum.
The physical and physiological responses to Cold Turkey are beginning to fade away.
The easy bit is almost done.

Chronic addictive personality bullshit. sfkghjqp938r1yfh9qw8e[iofnk

Now I’m sweating again. It’s 16:53 and I just spent the last 30 minutes staring at the screen.

ُThe previous (and upcoming) posts will carry no meaning to anyone .. only a future version of myself will understand the hidden, albeit worthless, connotations associated with this crap.
The only thing that’s keeping me going is hitting 10,000 posts and reflecting back on my nonsense. I’m an excellent reflector on past bullshit.

That’s all the crap I can share with you today.

 

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