I can be an asshole sometimes.
I’m prone to anger outbursts.
Wait, that’s not what I want to write about.
This post is an update on my mood. It’s been more than 1 month since I was in that old place – dark, narrow, helpless, hopeless, worthless, shameful, regretful, angry, ..etc.
After years of struggling with mental illness, I finally began to see that ray of sunshine people told me about.
I wish there was a concrete set of steps to follow; what works for me might make things worse for someone else, and vice versa.
I read so many self-help books to the point where I fucking hate self-help books. I tried therapy, medications, meditation, whateveration. Nothing worked.
Guess what? My mood is still the same.
You see, the thing is, my mood is in my head – sure, there are physical manifestations – but the God of mood is the brain.
Why did I write this post? Because I wish I could say no. I wish I could tell people that I can’t help them right now. I wish I had the audacity to focus on myself.
Focusing on myself isn’t selfish. Saying NO isn’t selfish. As a matter of fact, what’s wrong with being selfish sometimes?
I’m not used to sharing my life with the internet.
There’s a current dip in my mood, but it’s OK. I can handle it.