#00142: Now & Later

Mood is up! Feeling great. Unstoppable. Unbreakable. 

Mood is up. I will do X and Y. Yes, I will. Yes, I can. Why not? I will read that book. I will be able to smile more. I’ll laugh more. 

The music in the background is amplifying the feeling. Instability? I can handle it. Bulimia? It’s all in my head; I can handle it. I will …

But .. Yes, uncertainty surprises you with a strong hook out of nowhere. But .. I don’t know where I’m going, man. I don’t know what I want to do with my life. Smile more? Yeah, right. Smiles don’t pay the bills! Smiles don’t provide  stability. 

Words; I can’t find them. Can I be alone for a bit, sir? Is it OK to not explain for a while? 

Fear. Fucking fear. Can you feel your heart trying to jump out of your chest? Your heart is running away from the unknown. The fucking unknown! 

Now? The good feeling is gone. You and your stupid feelings. Grow the fuck up! 

Your mood was up when you began writing this post. You were excited. Oooh! But now? It’s gone.

You wish you never said you were going to do X and Y. You wish you never wrote this shit.

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