Fear is a fucking asshole.
Sometimes I forget the big picture and fall victim to those small obstacles obscuring my path. Pieces of paper become a matter of life or death – the bureaucratic mammoth that controls our stupid systems crushes my will to live.
What will happen if this happened?
What if that happened?
I allow silly things to ruin my moment.
It obscures the fact that I will be a father soon.
There’s a another heart beating inside my wife and it will need me. Actually, I need that little heart. I need that reason to live; to push, to hustle, to not give up. Am I in the wrong to depend on my unborn child?
Yet, I allowed motherfuckers in college to ruin the true beauty that I must look forward to.
I already have a college degree. It doesn’t matter though. Being a father will be the greatest honor I will ever receive.
I miss my wife. I miss leaning on her. I miss her smile. I miss upsetting her. I miss touching her.
I miss my wife; can I say that enough?
Starting tomorrow, there will be a count to how many cigarettes I smoke, how many times I smoke shisha and for how long.
Oh, and it’s about time to observe my binging habit.
Change doesn’t come by wishing. Fuck college. Fuck bureaucracy. I’m literally fucking up my health to satisfy my sponsors and to get that piece of paper.
Well, I’m a rebel.
I decided to put myself, my health, before the external world.
I consciously decide to focus on myself before the external world.
I have a family now.
Can you remind me that I’m complaining about nonsense next time you read something negative?
This blog means a lot more than what I’m currently dealing with.
Much love to all of you.