#00164: Post a Day – 7

It’s been a week since I decided to start posting everyday.
It was an impulsive decision brought on by the anxiolytic effects of the pills I keep ingesting in high doses daily.
I’m not regretting it, though.

I also decided to take a new approach when writing my daily post.
Instead of waiting until there’s time at the end of the day and writing my post in on go, I am now implementing an intermittent approach.
In other words, I’ll just pull out my phone and write whatever whenever I could.
For example, I wrote all of this when I got into the car just now.

——————————

The above was written 10 hours ago.
I just got back to my apartment. I’ve been avoiding my apartment ever since I rented it.
It’s empty. It’s lonely. It’s scary. It’s lifeless.
My desk reflects my mind: cluttered, unorganized, one small move and something might fall down.

I hate this place. I hate being treated like a walking ATM.
I’m not an investment bank. 
No, I can’t help your cousin get a better job in Qatar.
No, I don’t have money to help you start your farming business. 
No, professor, I don’t have the authority to introduce you to the Ambassador. 
I genuinely wish I could help all of you, but I can’t.
I really fucking can’t.
But you don’t understand that I’m actually telling the truth.
You’re (some of you are) so used to sending and receiving lies that the truth is now lost. 
I’m very saddened to know that the only way to earn some respect and be left alone in peace is by buying you off; buying you a perfume, “loaning” you money for “an investment, bullshitting you that I will definitely help hire your cousin at whatever school he wants in Qatar, …etc

I cannot survive here without lying.
Lying – deceiving, fabricating, falsifying, bullshitting, ..etc – is the only way to survive in this shithole of a place.

Do you have any suggestions on how to survive this place?
Any suggestions on the Art of Communicating with Wolves?

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5 replies »

  1. I can relate to your comment about your desk. I think they say a cluttered desk is a sign of creativity, but I might be wrong. I get messy, but I feel a lot better when I tidy up. It’s an accomplishment. Maybe try that. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I can relate to most of that. It sucks. It really does. But this blog should help you open up and feel better as you’ve shared it and not kept it inside. 😊

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ahhh .. I tried sharing myself out loud when I used to go to therapy. Temporary relief followed by mood swings.
      But you’re right; this blog is beginning to feel different. Maybe I’m on to something without realizing it.
      Writing everyday is becoming my favorite thing in the world!
      Thank you so much for commenting 🙂

      Like

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