Introduction: My life from my point of view.
Middle child from a middle class family in a soon-to-be the richest the country in the world. Class clown. Trying to fix family issues. Trying to be everyone’s friend.
Moving from one country to another. Losing friends.
Body-image issues. Start smoking at 12. Change from extrovert to introvert. Voices in my head. Memories replaying.
9/11 happened. I’m a terrorist by default.
Mood issues. Start spending time alone and avoiding people.
Alcohol comes in. Marijuana/hash.
University: Strike 1.
More alcohol. More weed. More drugs.
Faking being an extrovert takes up a lot of energy. More drugs.
Religion comes in. Guilt followed religion. I’m a bad person. I will go to Hell no matter what I do. Religion is dead in the 21st century. I’m a terrorist and I’m a hypocrite.
My past is fucked up. My present is being wasted. My future is lost.
Medical School: Strike 2.
Managed to lose weight. Slowly becoming athletic. Diet controlled.
On the surface, everything is perfect. I tutored people. I gave fitness classes.
Inside, mood was fucking me up.
Religion –> guilt –> fear –> literally paralyzed by fear and guilt –> explosion –> drug binge –> fuck religion phase –> thoughts take over –> back to religion –> guilt –> fear –> ..etc. Loop and repeat.
Quit medical school.
No goal in life. Drug binge. Start working. Gaining weight. Fucking up diet. More drugs. Pills come in. More pills. More drugs.
Then I get a call from my father. My oldest brother is dead.
My brother is dead.
I buried my brother.
Started a stupid blog called 10000posts.com
Explosion of thoughts and mood. Worst drug binge in my life.
Gained over 50kgs. Lost all hope in life. Suicidal thoughts.
I married the girl I love. But my mood hasn’t changed.
I still need pills to survive.
More pills. Food binge.
I need help. I can’t control my thoughts. Please help me!
I met a stranger online that became a friend and played a major role in changing my life.
College: third attempt.
I’m in Jordan. A new culture. I’m scared. I’m fucking scared!
I want to quit again.
My wife is not with me. I’m away from my safety net.
I don’t know what to do.
I want to die or run away and hide.
And then, one day, I walk into a small bookshop in Amman. I scout bookshops looking for the book that will change my life.
I look around and I find the perfect book.
The book is about me.
I jump to Chapter 7.
It was blank.
I decided to write it myself. It’s my story.
FatBoy Project: Ultimate Transformation.
Joined a gym and designed my own program. I stuck to it because I can.
I focused in school and did very well because I can.
I felt the mood swings, I heard the voices, I saw the fear.
So, I laughed at them and shrugged them off because I can.
They say “the obstacle is the way”, so I embraced the obstacles because I can.
This is the part of the story where I get tired of succumbing to excuses. I push the bullshit aside and jump to action – not only because I can, but also because action speaks louder than words.
This is my story and I’m the writer. And the writer has decided to change the depressing pace of the story to an inspiring change. Just wait and see.