#00185: I will never share this with anyone.

I will never share this with anyone.

I want to cheat on my wife. Why? Because I’m an idiot who can’t handle his shit on his own. I need a friend.
My marriage is fucked up. I have a baby on the way – that’s the only current reason I can think of that is keeping me … memories .. desires .. fucking loneliness …

I will never share this with anyone.

The cafe girl. She’s 27. NN is cute and beautifully wow. She took my number. She called while I was fighting with my wife. Can I say I’m horny and not be judged?

These are my secrets. I will never share them with anyone.

When I was out with O, we decided to drink. We had shots. Then I had tequila. Then a group of teenagers offered us some of their drinks. They were celebrating their friend’s birthday. 
I wish I had friends who celebrated my fucking birthday.
Then I was drunkenly chatting with a couple of the guys. Weed came up.
Then I dropped O, picked up Hope & M, picked up the dealer, and I got high for the first time.

These are my secrets. I will never share them with anyone.

She lives in a fucking bubble. She’s always the “victim”. She always the innocent motherfucker. It’s never her fault. 
She expects love but never offers it. She wants to be given everything, yet give none but drama.
It’s none of your business!

Binge. Drugs. More pills. Get fucking high and watch videos.

These are my secrets. I will never share this with anyone.

I’m financially unstable during one of the worst times of my life. There was a terrorist attack in a city not far from here. 
My mother sounds very tired/sick on the phone. Worse than usual.
I regret starting this blog.
I hate this fucking blog. But I can’t let go of it. 
Yes, this is called “breakdown”. 

I will never share this with anyone.

 

 

4 replies »

  1. Hey,please do not give up writing!Congrats for the new coming baby that is on the way.Use your introspection technique as you always do.Try being the one whom you would like your baby to replicate.Do not be so harsh on yourself when there are so many bloggers who like you.I can understand that being far away we cannot be in realty but atleast you can confide in us virtually!You can always contact me Khalid in times of distress,maybe I can provide light!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Your mind feels eerily similar to mine– or the way mine once was. God was always there but I chose to ignore him. Then I embraced him, about eight years ago, and I’ve been safe in him arms since. The voices still come, though. I’m stronger and wiser to them now– it still can be hard sometimes though.

    Liked by 1 person

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