00195: 1st, 2nd and 3rd

Hello. Please forgive my incoherence. Have you cried for no apparent reason? I have. 

I was in the car. I was supposed to drive back to Irbid. That’s when I broke down. Stuck in traffic, a sudden rush of fear took over. Suddenly I was scared of the entire world. I frantically called my wife. She didn’t pick up. I texted her to please answer. 

I’m scared. I can’t stop the tears that are gushing out of my eyes. 

I keep imagining the noose that I’ll be using to hang myself. I must kill myself so I can stop crying. 

I’m crying because I’m scared and I don’t know what to do. 

I’m a worthless statistic in this universe. A waste of oxygen and space. 
You started this blog a couple of weeks after you quit your studies. You didn’t cry as much as you’re doing right now, but that feeling of fear is the same. 

You came to this cafe and started this stupid blog. You wanted to keep some sort of legacy. 
Please keep your advice to yourself because it won’t help. My mind is set on death and there’s nothing you can say and/or do that will change anything. I’m writing this in the 1st person narrative because only I can understand the irrational fear that took over me. 
You won’t like what you have to say in the 2nd person narrative. You’re a worthless piece of shit that deserves to be punished physically and emotionally. You wasted all the opportunities because you were too scared to speak your mind. So please go fuck yourself because you will never amount to anything; you’re useless and you’ll always be useless. Go ahead and cry. Puke those useless tears out of your eyes. No matter how many times they support you, you’ll find a reason to quit. 
Only in the 3rd person narrative that he might find some help. He wasn’t such a bad person, to be honest. As a matter of fact, he never tried to make any enemies. He … he hates it when some people compliment him, because that puts pressure on his already pressured mind to please the entire universe. 

He will heal eventually. As for now, he just needs to go through it. 

This entire blog doesn’t make sense. This post is an example. 
 

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