That’s what I’m doing. But it’s not for an examination.
It is related to college, however.
I’ve pulled so many all-nighters that it had become a routine.
I learned how to deal with free time, changes in body-temperature, heavy eyes, and a lot more.
But I’m not writing this post to show off my “talent” of not sleeping for more than 24 hours.
I’m writing this because this is the most needed all-nighters of all.
Some can argue that I need the sleep, but I would simply disagree.
I have lost a valuable asset – my health.
And they say that Health is Wealth.
Hence, I have lost of Wealth.
I gave up my health to make sure everyone around me is satisfied with me.
The irony – and paradox – in this situation, is that I’m pulling this all-nighter to summon up every ounce of courage I have so I can go to my sponsors and let them know: I don’t want to study Medicine anymore. I never did. I never will. I hate studying. I did it to make you happy. I did it so I could get paid doing the most disgusting this I’ve ever done in my life; studying.
I hate studying, folks. I never wanted to college immediately after school.
The common factor between all my “quits”? Studying.
I worked for 2 years and not once did I think about quitting. I enjoyed work. The routine. The specific time you’re expected to be in “work mode”.
I was expected to show up from 6am till 1pm. That’s it.
And what did I do? I showed up at 5am and left only when I was done with work.
Once I got into my car, I was no longer in “work mode”. I had time for the gym. Time for family.
And most importantly, time for myself.
I hate studying because I’ve been doing it for the wrong reasons since Grade 1.
“Must get straight A’s to not make father angry”.
But my father has changed – after losing his son, his best friend and retirement, my dad has flipped 180 degrees.
Now my father is on my side. My father is finally on my side – I’m finally being protected by my father.
That’s another story for another post.
For now, I’m writing this post to remind myself that it’s OK to have a weird opinion such as the one I have: “I don’t want to study at the moment. I want to work. I want to focus on my family. I want to look after myself. Perhaps I’ll study later on. But for now, I don’t want to study”.
You can’t imagine the feeling of relief when I imagine myself finally free from the shackles of school and a never-ending route towards shit I don’t want.
Sure, a Medical degree is a great investment for the future.
But what about my health? Is it not as important – if not more vital – than a piece of paper?
Can I have my opinion without the need for a detailed explanation?
In a few hours, I’ll be letting my sponsors about this decision.
Bring on the consequences – I have never felt more firmly decisive than now.