#00210: June 11 2017 – 1/39

I did not plan on doing what I’m about to to because there is 99.999999% chance of failure.

I went to the gym today.
I also had vegetables – something I haven’t had in a very long time.
I did not binge.
I repeat: I DID NOT BINGE.
I picked up a book and I read for some time.
I repeat: I STARTED READING A BOOK.

Gym. Reading. Not bingeing.

I wanted to use this blog – this platform – as my personal journal.
But it turns out I hate my journal. That’s why I stopped keeping one for more than 2 years now.
Why? because I hate what I write in it. I hate the daily complaining and continuous whining. Guilt. Shame. Anger.

The same goes to this blog. I know it’s stupid. I know it’s not worth reading.
But I just have to do it. For me.
I have to do it for me.

My birthday is in 39 days. That’s when I turn 28.
Since 2009, on my birthday, I sit down at night and write down a summary of what happened during this year – what I am, what I was, and what I want to be.

Currently, I hate what I am and regret what I was, but have no clue what I want to be.
I’m too embarrassed to run into old friends because I have no explanation as to I have gained so much weight – I don’t know how to explain what caused me to gain over 40Kgs of fat.
I’m envious of the guy I once trained to lose weight. He now opened his own CrossFit place and is a competitive power-lifter.

See? I keep repeating the same bullshit over and over.

Let’s see how long this epiphany will last. Place your bets. This is 1 out of 39.

 

 

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