#00250: Year 2

July 26 is a special day.
Exactly 2 years ago, I sat down in a cafe and started this blog.

This post was supposed to be uploaded on the26th of July, but shit happens.

If you’re expecting to read some sort of positive transformation story since July 26 2016, then I’m sorry to disappoint.

And this update is a break to the above promise.

August 2016
I had just gotten married on July 29th and was supposed to be enjoying my honeymoon in Singapore.
The honeymoon lasted only a total of 5 days. It was a disaster.
My wife and I tried to settle down in our new life together and play the role of newlyweds/husband&wife. It didn’t go well.
I only had a month to spend at home before I was being shipped to Jordan (aka shithole) to continue my medical studies.
It was more than a year since I accpeted the label “worthless med-school dropout failure” and here I was getting ready to continue something I hated to satisfy the imaginary world I believed I lived in.

August was a mix of a shitty-new experience combined with attempting to temporarily settledown while preparing to move to a different country.

September 2016 to March 2017
Not a good period compared to the rest of my life. Most probably the worst experience in my life so far.
I was flying between Qatar, Kuwait and Jordan every fucking week.
I hated my time in Jordan. An awful period to remember or even write about.
A second attempt at continuing my “Medicine lie”. A second chance that I never wanted but tried to force myself to accept it and move the fuck on.
My sleep cycle was fucked. I would stay up between 36 to 40 hours and then sleep. Wake up and repeat. Again and again.
Drugs didn’t help. People were assholes. My personality of politeness and respect were considered weaknesses.

April 2017 to July 2017
I fucking left Jordan and came back home. I could no longer handle my situation.
I was terrified of the consequences. So much fucking fear.
I was quitting medicine, again. I was also quitting college for the 3rd time in my life.
This year marked 11 years since my graduation from high school, and all I could achieve is a lousy BSc of Medical Sciences from RCSI.
My business ventures were fucked. My business partner was fucking me behind my back.
I ended up dealing with the consequences of losing all my financial securities. I sold anything of value to pay some of the debt I had.
Debt. Financial breakdown. Mental breakdown. Emotional chaos.

Within that period – July 2016 to July 2017 – I attempted a lot of things, and failed to do any of them.
I failed to quit drugs multiple times, and ended up increasing the dosage and ruining my life even more.
I attempted to use this platform, this stupid blog, to write/do something useful, but failed regularly.
My relationship with my wife kept deteriorating until I reached the point of divorce thoughts.
I couldn’t lose a single pound. My bingeing habit became an impulsive daily routine.

The only good thing that happened was on May 4th 2017, when I got the call that my wife has delivered a beautiful baby girl.

I don’t have any plans for this year. I don’t have goals or things I want to do.
No more “next year will be better” bullshit.

It took me 2 years to publish 250 posts. By this rate, it will take me 80 years to reach the stupid 10000posts mark.

July 2018 should have a summary of my 3rd year on WordPress.
How about another countdown towards nothing?

Cheers to another year on WordPress!


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