I saw it on the screen as soon as I got out of the MRI room. I walked towards that big screen and asked the doctor for its interpretation. His response was a pure doctor’s reply. “I will finilize the report and send it to the orthopedic surgeon” he said, avoiding eye contact.
That’s medical lingo for one of two things: the first is lack of answer. Doctors are human after all. They need time to process things and think it through. The second most common reason is fear.
It’s the fear of breaking bad news. That’s hard, folks. Having to face someone and telling them the harsh, dry reality they must face.
But I understand. I saw that hyper-intense spot on my left thigh. That’s not good news. Hyper or hypo intense areas on an MRI are never good news.
And today I got that official news: my left hip is dying. It’s not getting enough blood. The small break in the head of the thigh bone can’t heal without blood. To get blood, it mustn’t be used.
Being stubborn and all “I’m strong. Pain is in the mind”, I almost killed my hip. The solution is to sit my ass down. Simple.
Simple, yet difficult to accept. Me on a wheelchair? But … but my life isn’t “wheelchair friendly”.
Life will remind you of how fragile you are when can move up one step. Just one step. You can’t. Your left leg will collapse if it was used. Your right leg now has to cater for 100+kgs of weight on it. No wonder the scan showed it’s in the process of following its left sister.
Yes, folks, keep moving forward and all, but – and I’m talking to myself first and foremost – remember to rest every now and then. Accept the pain, sit your ass down, and consider it a free vacation from life.
Yes, my brain does show me all the shit I have to do and must do. I have work to do, but was given 5 weeks sick leave. I have businesses to try and run, but I’ll just have to sit down and work from where I am. I cannot carry my daughter, so I’ll just have to make do with what I can.
I’ll try what I can to avoid surgery. One step at a time, I guess. Figuratively speaking.
Categories: The Journal