Project: FatBoy

#00208: Attempts, systems and mood

I like lists. I enjoy writing down things to do and crossing out things that have been done. I like to organize my life using timetables and countdowns. When my mood isn’t down, lists and categories carry a sense of purpose i.e. a reason to wake up and get out of bed just to cross them out. But that’s only when my mood is up. Early 2012, I began dealing with numerous numbers of therapists and psychiatrists. I was reluctant to open up to []

#00207: 2 years

I’ve been in my room for over a week. I do not have the energy to even talk to someone, let alone answer their questions. I’ve been mostly in bed. Netflix and pills? The pills got me out of bed and into the real world. I managed to see my baby girl. She’s the only thing in the entire universe that can put a smile on my face no matter what mood I’m going through. Bipolar? Depression? Anxiety? Mood disorder? Pull out []

#00202: The All-Nighter – 3

This is what happened last time. And this is what happened the first time.  This time is slightly different. Today will be my first day back to work. No. More. Medicine. I really should write about the “Medicine lie” and how it has been fucking my life up since 2008. It took me 9 years to summon the courage to finally say “I hate studying. Oh, by the way, I lied about wanting to do Medicine. I did it for father. I []

#00201: The All-Nighter – 2

This is what happened last time. And now I’m repeating the same shit. I want to quit my studies, but I’m too scared of the consequences. The consequences are unknown. I’m scared of the unknown. I just want to get my life back. Sometimes, I’m filled with optimism and hope – just like last time. But now, I’m scared of doing it again. It went pretty well last time. But … I was too scared to simply say “I don’t want to []

#00200: 2%

200 posts later, and the so-called “journey” isn’t going anywhere. I’m not going anywhere. Exactly 2 years ago, I got a call []