#00015: Update from Wastemind

I didn’t binge for 24hours now. I controlled my food urge. I suppressed my guilt for having an urge for drugs. Hushed it. I don’t care when I sleep. I don’t care about my weight. I don’t care what happens in my near future. Everything I learned about the world was a fucking lie. Even the simplest things about lying were a lie. Because I don’t care when I wake up, it seems it doesn’t matter when I wake up. Why should []

#000014: Life in the Backseat

   I love relaxing in the backseat. It’s dark. Quiet. The driver worries about the road. The passenger focuses on preparing the fix. And I only need to breathe out and look out the window. Maybe I’ll find an answer outside.

#00013: Problmes vs. Lies 

The highs are lies. Fantasies of running away from this life. Those annoying bits of life no longer exist.  The illusion is beautiful. It is beautiful. I want to face the problems in my real life instead of hiding in a drug-induced shadow. Start slow. Baby steps. 

#00012: UTI

I just had Shake Shack for the first time. Yum. I’m paranoid I’ll go to prison for hanging out with this crowd.  []

#00011: I lost a day

I woke up with a distended abdomen and a mind filled with regrets. I’ve been clean for almost 5 months. But I simply surrendered because I wanted to. I didn’t want to think anymore. I forgot about the dehydration and the constipation and feelings of dread that immediately follow. I genuinely don’t want to damage my body or my mind like this anymore. No more promises.