I didn’t binge for 24hours now. I controlled my food urge. I suppressed my guilt for having an urge for drugs. Hushed it. I don’t care when I sleep. I don’t care about my weight. I don’t care what happens in my near future. Everything I learned about the world was a fucking lie. Even the simplest things about lying were a lie. Because I don’t care when I wake up, it seems it doesn’t matter when I wake up. Why should […]
I love relaxing in the backseat. It’s dark. Quiet. The driver worries about the road. The passenger focuses on preparing the fix. And I only need to breathe out and look out the window. Maybe I’ll find an answer outside.
The highs are lies. Fantasies of running away from this life. Those annoying bits of life no longer exist. The illusion is beautiful. It is beautiful. I want to face the problems in my real life instead of hiding in a drug-induced shadow. Start slow. Baby steps.
I just had Shake Shack for the first time. Yum. I’m paranoid I’ll go to prison for hanging out with this crowd. […]
I woke up with a distended abdomen and a mind filled with regrets. I’ve been clean for almost 5 months. But I simply surrendered because I wanted to. I didn’t want to think anymore. I forgot about the dehydration and the constipation and feelings of dread that immediately follow. I genuinely don’t want to damage my body or my mind like this anymore. No more promises.
July 30 2015 Under the Influence (UTI) is […]