#00196: Writing

My first memory of writing was in the form of a written apology I slipped under my parent’s bedroom door. I don’t know what I did, but I felt bad. I couldn’t (still can’t) find the words to say something to my parents. I sat down in my room and a calm voice in my head told me to grab a piece of paper and write a letter of apology.  I remember why I kept on writing. It was my way of []

00195: 1st, 2nd and 3rd

Hello. Please forgive my incoherence. Have you cried for no apparent reason? I have.  I was in the car. I was supposed to drive back to Irbid. That’s when I broke down. Stuck in traffic, a sudden rush of fear took over. Suddenly I was scared of the entire world. I frantically called my wife. She didn’t pick up. I texted her to please answer.  I’m scared. I can’t stop the tears that are gushing out of my eyes.  I keep imagining the []

#00194: Anger

Have you ever felt angry? I suppose we all have felt angry at one point in our lives.  Perhaps you were angry because your phone stopped working? Some shit at school? Your stupid boss at work? The fucking weather?  And then, what did you do? Perhaps you broke your phone, or you might’ve yelled at someone – a loved one – and then you proceeded to kick some stranger’s ass? I woke up scared and angry. Everyone around me is too stupid []

#00193: Crying in the car

I was stuck in traffic. Nothing new. Then I broke down. I started crying. I frantically called my wife but she didn’t pick up. A sudden rush of fear took over. I was so scared I froze in my place. The only thing moving were my tears – my eyes were vomiting because of the paranoia that was in my head. Fear. Your words are useless when fear takes over. I parked on the side and kept on crying. My wife wasn’t []

#00192: Meh

FatBoy Project? I have no clue what it is anymore. This blog is filled with unfulfilled promises – post a day, story, projects, ..etc I have no clue why or what I am writing. I just missed you, folks. My fellow strangers. Is it OK to not know who I am? Is it OK to not achieve anything worthwhile? Am I worthless? A blog filled with shit. Posts written under the influence of mind altering drugs. Perhaps I need to post something []

#00190: January 2017 update

I wrote this update a few days ago. I had just gone back to Jordan after a 2-week hiatus from any sort of binge. I’m too ashamed of myself. I’m not even sure why I’m posting this. I’m writing this for a future me. Whether or not you can remember this period, I’m not going to remind you. first 13 days (exams and binges) (31st Dec 2016 – 13th Jan 2017) -Detailing the details of the details. Sharp focus. A new favorite drug? []